On the surface it seems that Muhammad had such a magnetic personality that he mesmerized this powerful woman. This, however, is a superficial understanding of a complex dynamic.
Tabari write: "Khadijah sent a message to Muhammad inviting him to take her
. She called her father to her house, plied him with wine until he was drunk, anointed him with perfume, clothed him in a striped robe and slaughtered a cow. Then she sent for Muhammad and his uncles. When they came in, her father married him to her. When he recovered from his intoxication, he said, 'What is this meat, this perfume, and this garment?' She replied, 'You have married me to Muhammad bin Abdullah.'" 'I have not done so,' he said. 'Would I do this when the greatest men of Mecca have asked for you and I have not agreed, why would I give you to a bum?'
The party of Muhammad replied indignantly that the alliance had been arranged by his own daughter. The old man drew his sword in anger and the relatives of Muhammad drew theirs. Blood was about to be shed when Khadijah made her love for Muhammad known and confessed to having masterminded the whole proceeding. Khuwaylid was then pacified, as he resigned to the fait accompli
and reconciliation ensued.
Khadijah was a dainty, accomplished woman. She had rejected marriage proposal of many Quraish dignitaries. How can one explain a seemingly levelheaded and successful woman suddenly falling in love with an indigent youth 15 years her junior?
This erratic behavior belies a certain personality disorder in Khadijah.
Evidence indicates that Khadijah's father was an alcoholic. Khadijah must have known her father's weakness for alcohol to devise such an audacious plan. Alcoholic people tend to lose control and get drunk. Non-alcoholic people often drink moderately and know when to stop. When Khuwaylid became drunk, the party had not yet started and the guests had not yet arrived. This tells us that he was not a social drinker but a real alcoholic
. Now, why this should matter at all? Because it is another clue in support of the speculation that Khadijah was a codependent. Children of alcoholics often develope co-dependency
... continued with more convincing evidence in the book "Understanding Muhammad"
, the exciting & astonishing wirtings of Ali Sina, and other "eye-opening" chapters of the true Islam by Ali Sina, ex-Musim of Iran
Page 76: "... Under the constant demand for better performance, the child becomes unable to develope her own independent personality ..."
"... The above explains why a successful and beautiful woman like Khadijah would become interested in a needy and narcissistic man like Muhammad ..."
Page 78: "... All babies are narcissists and that is a necessary part of their growth. But if their narcissistic needs are not satisfied in childhood, their emotional maturity will freeze at that stage ..."
Page 79: "... A true codependent would do anything to appease his or her narcissist ...
Even Muhammad himself thought he had become a kahin (sorcerer) or demon-possessed.
It was she who encouraged Muhammad to pursue his prophetic ambitions and spurred him in that direction. When Muhammad no longer had epileptic seizures or say any angels, Khadijah was disappointed. Ibn Ishaq writes: "After this, Gabriel did not come to him for a while and Khadijah said 'I think that your Lord must hate you.'" This demonstrates how eager she was for her narcissist to become a prophet ..."