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Muhammad's Personality Profile
become strong and resilient, so do we also know, from the point of view of the depth-psychologist, that he requires an empathic enviroment, specifically, an enviroment that responds (a) to his need to have his presence confirmed by the glow of parental pleasure and (b) to his need to merge into the reassuring calmness of the powerful adult, if he is to acquire a firm and resilient self.109
          Muhammad experienced neglect and abandonment during the first six years of his life, and excessive permissiveness after that. His circumstances were therefore ripe and conductive for him to become a narcissist.

          Muhammad never spoke of his mother. If he had, it would have been recorded in a hadith. He visited her tomb after he conquered Mecca, but he refused to pray for her. What was the point of that visit? Perhaps this was his vindication, a way to prove to her that dispite her neglect, he had made it. On the other hand, he remembered his grandfather, who had showered him with love and provided for him plenty of narcissistic gratifications, fondly.

          Psychologists tell us that the first five years of a child's life are the years that either make him or breake him. Muhammad's emotional needs during the first five years of his life were not met. He carried the painful memories of those lonesome years of abandonment and neglect into his adulthood and old age. He grew up insecure and had a fluctuating sense of self-worth, a weakness he tried to hide with overwhelming haughtiness by growing a sense of entitlement, grandiosity, lack of empathy, and an illusion of superiority.

          Muhammad chose Allâh as his mate. His imaginary ally was mighty and powerful. This made him infinitely strong. He was the only one with direct access to Allâh and was his only viceroy on Earth. To make sure that no one would ever usurp his position, he also claimed to be the last messenger. His power thus was absolute and eternal.

          The Birth of the Prophet Muhammad, from Jami' al-tavarikh (Compendium of Chronicles). Tabriz, Persia, c. 1314-15. In Edinburgh University Library.
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Khadijah's Influence on Muhammad

          Khadijah's role in Islam has not yet been fully appreciated. Her influence on Muhammad cannot be overemphasized. Khadijah should be



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Understanding Muhammad
regarded as Muhammad's partner in giving birth to Islam. Without her, perheaps, Islam would not exist.

          We know that Khadijah adored her young husband. There is no report that Muhammad ever worked after marrying Khadijah. After the marriage, Khadijah's business seems to have gone down the tubes. When she died, the family became penniless.

          Muhammad did not take care of the children, either. Dejected by the world, he spent most of his time alone in caves retreating to his pleasant imaginary world and contemplation. At times he would take food for several days, returning only when it was finished. Then he would head down to the city, procure more provisions and go back.

          Khadijah remained at home to take care of her ten children alone. But she did not seem to complain. She was taking care of not only her children and the house but also of her young husband, who acted just like another irresponsible child. But Khadijah was happy to sacrifice. Why?

          That is an important question. The answer is that Khadijah had her own personality disorder. She was what we today would call a codependent. This knowledge help us to understand why she stood by her husband and encouraged him to launch his prophetic career.

          The National Mental Health Association (NMHA) defines codependency as "A learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's abitlity to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as 'relationship addiction' because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Codependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior."[110]

          Khadijah was a comely woman. She was the favorite daughter of her father Khuwaylid. In fact Khuwailid relied on her, more than he did on his sons. She was a "daddy's girl." She had rejected the hands of the powerful men of Mecca. But when she saw the youthful but dispossessed and needy Muhammad, she fell in love with him on the spot and sent a maid to him to propose marriage.



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Muhammad's Personality Profile
          On the surface it seems that Muhammad had such a magnetic personality that he mesmerized this powerful woman. This, however, is a superficial understanding of a complex dynamic.

          Tabari write: "Khadijah sent a message to Muhammad inviting him to take her. She called her father to her house, plied him with wine until he was drunk, anointed him with perfume, clothed him in a striped robe and slaughtered a cow. Then she sent for Muhammad and his uncles. When they came in, her father married him to her. When he recovered from his intoxication, he said, 'What is this meat, this perfume, and this garment?' She replied, 'You have married me to Muhammad bin Abdullah.'" 'I have not done so,' he said. 'Would I do this when the greatest men of Mecca have asked for you and I have not agreed, why would I give you to a bum?'"111

          The party of Muhammad replied indignantly that the alliance had been arranged by his own daughter. The old man drew his sword in anger and the relatives of Muhammad drew theirs. Blood was about to be shed when Khadijah made her love for Muhammad known and confessed to having masterminded the whole proceeding. Khuwaylid was then pacified, as he resigned to the fait accompli and reconciliation ensued.

          Khadijah was a dainty, accomplished woman. She had rejected marriage proposal of many Quraish dignitaries. How can one explain a seemingly levelheaded and successful woman suddenly falling in love with an indigent youth 15 years her junior? This erratic behavior belies a certain personality disorder in Khadijah.

          Evidence indicates that Khadijah's father was an alcoholic. Khadijah must have known her father's weakness for alcohol to devise such an audacious plan. Alcoholic people tend to lose control and get drunk. Non-alcoholic people often drink moderately and know when to stop. When Khuwaylid became drunk, the party had not yet started and the guests had not yet arrived. This tells us that he was not a social drinker but a real alcoholic. Now, why this should matter at all? Because it is another clue in support of the speculation that Khadijah was a codependent. Children of alcoholics often develope co-dependency ...

... continued with more convincing evidence in the book "Understanding Muhammad", the exciting & astonishing wirtings of Ali Sina, and other "eye-opening" chapters of the true Islam by Ali Sina, ex-Musim of Iran.

111 Persian Tabari v. 3 p.832

Page 76: "... Under the constant demand for better performance, the child becomes unable to develope her own independent personality ..."

          "... The above explains why a successful and beautiful woman like Khadijah would become interested in a needy and narcissistic man like Muhammad ..."

Page 78: "... All babies are narcissists and that is a necessary part of their growth. But if their narcissistic needs are not satisfied in childhood, their emotional maturity will freeze at that stage ..."

Page 79: "... A true codependent would do anything to appease his or her narcissist ...

          Even Muhammad himself thought he had become a kahin (sorcerer) or demon-possessed.

          It was she who encouraged Muhammad to pursue his prophetic ambitions and spurred him in that direction. When Muhammad no longer had epileptic seizures or say any angels, Khadijah was disappointed. Ibn Ishaq writes: "After this, Gabriel did not come to him for a while and Khadijah said 'I think that your Lord must hate you.'" This demonstrates how eager she was for her narcissist to become a prophet ..."


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